19 weeks: Benefits, bumps and bursting into tears…

I went for my second meeting at the Jobcentre today. Unfortunately, as I have been out of the UK, my claim is unlikely to be successful, so this puts even more pressure on the job search before I really start showing. If I couldn’t stay with family, I would be homeless without any form of income. It was embarrassing fleeing the building in tears, but I’m getting used to the intermittent phases of uncontrollable sobbing.

I don’t want this blog to be one big moan. I realize how lucky I am – I can stay with my parents, albeit in the utility room with the washing machine and boiler, I am fed, I know that I will never be starving on the streets – but at the same time, I’m lonely and sad. After spending all of Christmas together, I miss the father of the baby now he is back in Paris, and with no job and all my friends either back at uni, travelling or working, I have few distractions. What I should be doing is applying for jobs that involve more than just uploading my CV, and carrying on with my French A Level, finding Youtube videos to learn violin with, starting an art project, writing a novel… instead I just seem to mooch from one half-heartedly performed task to another. In a way I’m living the dream right now – I have all this free time to be creative, pursue my dreams! But crying takes up a lot of time too…!

However, I do have potential plans. I am considering moving to France next year – me and Tim could rent a place together, and I could get an English tutoring or childcare job – and in the following year begin studying to follow my ultimate dream of becoming a midwife. In the meantime I’d like to start sewing pinafore dresses for little girls and selling them online (first need to learn how to sew). As the unemployed in the house, I feel I should get into cooking as well – I need to use this free time wisely before I’m just completely exhausted with a baby attached to my tit!

Pregnancy symptoms so far:

IBS – Pretty sure I have pregnancy-induced IBS and am avoiding wheat after excruciating trapped wind and bloating (always fun!)

Weepy – I am extremely sensitive and any little thing – a raised voice, a sad advert, a stray unwanted thought – can set me off

Tired – Obviously. Am pregnant

Fainty – Actually have only fully fainted once, when I was 9 weeks at a fireworks display. I’ve since had 2 or 3 close calls. Apparently it’s anaemia. I think it’s just continued shock.

Headaches – I got really bad eye strainy headaches in the first trimester. It was a struggle to read for too long and looking at my phone was sickening! Luckily they petered out at about 15 weeks.

I was very lucky not to get morning sickness. A couple of mornings of feeling unwell, and a general loss of appetite and disgust at all food except bread, but other than that, it’s all gone swimmingly!

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